phatness.com - still kickin

A recent issue of Time goes into the sorry state of affairs in Michigan in the context of the election season:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1828307,00.html

It goes without argument that marriage is in a sorry state these days. It is said that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Many of those within their first 5 years. I do not have much of an opinion on divorce as I haven't been through one yet, either my own marriage, or my parents.

I'm more concerned about marriage now after watching just a few episodes of reality TV. Apparently, our country is filled with a bunch of blundering sex crazed idiots who can't form a proper sentence and are more obsessed with how someone else "disrespected them" than leading a productive life. While there are many factors in life that contribute to someone's social development (nature versus nurture) you cannot deny the importance of the core family unit. A huge factor in one's family is marriage. As I was just married, it is fresh topic for me. I want to offer a few observations I have.

But first, I can't talk about the subject of marriage without first having a little side glance at a heated topic within our society. Take a look at this: marriage or civil union?

After reading that, realize that I am not an extreme left or right radical. I'm somewhere in between and like to think logically.

Now, to the meat and potatoes. I offer up anecdotal evidence that I have not seen referenced in print, television, or web before.

As part of my wife's pregnancy, we took a child birthing class and breast feeding class at our local hospital. The child birth classes were three hours long, once a week, for four weeks. This class covered all sorts of topics ranging from the end of your pregnancy up until your baby is one year old. In the past it was referred to as Lamaze class. It is something that all new parents should take. The breast feeding class was only one night and it was also three hours long. Scheduling had it so the breast feeding class was several weeks after our child birth classes finished.

Let me prefix this next paragraph so that you don't think I am some right wing religious nut. I support "Gay Marriage" or more appropriately, "Gay Civil Union." That last part is the important distinction that most people forget to make. If you understand the concept of civil union, and the fact that as far as our country goes, anyone married, is simply participating in a civil union, you will understand why it is No Big Deal(tm).

There are two types of marriage. Marriage before State (or government, etc) and marriage before God. While, both have benefits, there is only one that needs to be brought up when discussing "Gay Marriage" and which one should be obvious. Many people (myself included, until I went through the act) do not realize that in getting married, the State does not recognize Marriage before God. In fact, "God" is only given a single short line on your state approved "Form 103-b" marriage license entitled, "Person Solemnizing Marriage" or "Officiant."

Hopefully, you are arriving at the same conclusion I have. People who decry "Gay Marriage" are confused, poor ignorant souls who have fallen victim to a poor choice of words. We should call it what it is that people are fighting for, "Gay Civil Union."

But why is it such a big deal? People who grow up with a certain perception of what marriage is, as being between a man and a woman, wouldn't understand why two men or two women would want to be recognized before God. Well, that is the problem here. Typically, (of course, there are exceptions) they don't. They only want the benefits that come with Marriage before State. Just a few of the important ones are:

• Death benefits
• Tax deductions
• Health insurance

And just so everyone on the same page, (I'm looking at you, George Bush) these benefits aren't granted by God.

We are in the hospital now over Memorial weekend. Pregnancy related issues, but nothing serious. It has been 1 day now and they say it will be at least 2 more days until they would consider releasing us. However, given that Kelly is due on Friday, releasing us might just as well result in us going out one hospital door, and back in another.

What has surprised me about this trip is a few things. Number one being how dedicated OB/GYN doctors must be to pick this type of a career. There were 4 or 5 calls to our doctor at all hours since we arrived at the hospital. Then he came in to visit today. That is just one patient. I couldn't begin to imagine his workload.

Number two is how INEFFICIENT our health care system really is. How many times are different people going to ask the same question? How many different people are going to not know what medication Kelly is prescribed? (Since she arrived at the hospital!) Handing out universal health care as the solution to our rising medical costs is just not the answer. There are so many other ways to decrease costs. More efficient health care would be just one. Universal health care is bandaid on a festering wound that is starting to smell a little like almonds. But that is another conversation.

The last thing is how surprised people are that a husband is sitting in the hospital with his wife. I'm not saying people are gushing about this and dropping dinner trays over it. But at least 4 hospital staff have remarked about how nice it is that I am here. Now, this isn't something I would want to be congratulated about or even something I believe you should feel good about. It is simply the way it is! This is part of your duty as a spouse, isn't it? Has our society's family values fallen so far that people feel surprise at something so simple?

In one word... yes.